Back in the Saddle

Sometimes we forget how much we miss doing something we love - and how good for us it is to do those things. This past week I was reminded of just how good for my soul some of those things are, and that people care.

Earlier in the year, I was invited to a birthday party and met someone I just clicked with. She and I have birthdays fairly close to one another - along with several other people in this town. While we don’t see each other very often, when we do, we just chat, pick-up where we left off last time and look forward to seeing one another when she is in town.

She is one of the most positive, friendly people I have ever met. She lights up a room when she smiles, is friendly to everyone she meets and is a true encourager.

This past weekend I ran into her, and while she and I chatted, she reminded me of the person I really am.

While I’m mostly a positive person, the last couple of weeks - and if I’m honest probably the last couple of months - that has not been the case. I’ve been allowing negative people and situations to fill my head, my heart and my soul with their ugliness.

Once the ugliness begins it builds momentum, and then more negative, frustrating and trying situations and people keep presenting themselves into my life, and it goes on and on.

It sometimes takes effort to be positive, even more so when I’ve been on a negative path for any length of time.

I suppose much of that can be visualized as a roller coaster ride. The peaks of high, positive, good feelings, and the valleys of frustration, anger, pettiness. If you’ve ever been on a roller coaster, you know how hard it seems for the machinery to go up the hill. You hear it click along, struggling to take all the weight of its passengers to the top. Then the momentum builds as gravity pulls it to the bottom, and the momentum keeps the cars on the track at an even keel and speed.

The one place that always and almost instantly brings me to one of those peaks is getting out in nature, but especially on the back of my horse, who many of you know from Facebook and Instagram as Missy Moonshine.

She and I have had a rough past year and due to that, I haven’t been able to ride her. I haven’t had the ability to get out with her and lose all the negative, think about things, clear my head and come back refreshed. And it shows.

Winter is usually the time where I don’t get to get out with her as much and where I find myself sometimes sinking into negativity. But this time, my inability to ride or even spend quality time with her was almost an entire year. On average, in “regular times,” I’d be on her back a minimum of once or twice a week, and be able to, at least, do things with her almost every day.

My attitude, my demeanor and my tolerance levels show exactly how little time I’ve spent doing something that brings me so much joy and peace.

This past week, after a very long road of recovery from an accident that happened one year ago tomorrow, I did get out and spend some time in the saddle with her. I brushed her (one of her favorite things while she enjoys a bucket of grain), and then I proceeded to get a saddle on her back, and get myself into that saddle.

After a year of not being able to lift anything over about 10 pounds and not being able to lift over my head at all, getting a saddle that weighs 30 pounds up on a horse’s back was a challenge - but I did it. I also determined I either need a lighter saddle or I need to keep doing some strengthening exercises, because that saddle felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and her back seemed five miles off the ground.

At any rate, once she was saddled, I cheated and used a bucket to stand on to get my foot in a stirrup, swung myself over her back, and settled into the saddle. We didn’t ride for very long, but it was long enough to remember how good it feels to do something that brings me so much joy. I remember what it feels like to let go and have a clear head. And I remember how having this outlet allows me to stay grounded and not let the little or even the big things get to me.

That, in combination with a chat with a beautiful person I’m lucky enough to be able to call a friend, made all the difference in the world. I was able to literally and metaphorically get “back in the saddle” again. Sure, one ride and one conversation doesn’t change how negative I’ve been overnight, but it’s the starting point I needed.

Just like negativity builds momentum, so do positive thoughts, actions, and feelings.

If you’ve been like me, stuck in a place that isn’t familiar and doesn’t feel good, I invite you to start with just one thing that brings you joy, then try another, until the good and positive feelings outweigh the bad and the negative.

We all have to start somewhere, and sometimes, that’s just getting back in our saddles.